Does anal sex hurt the first time?

[spreadeagle]

I'd like to take issue with Max's comments that anal sex hurts the first time. Max doesn't distinguish between anal sex and anal intercourse.
Solitary anal sex engaged in for purposes of exploration or pleasure should never hurt. If you are hurting yourself you're doing something wrong.
Anal intercourse (penetration with 2 or more partners) can be excruciatingly painful but it need not be. To state bluntly that it will hurt is unhelpful scaremongering. The difficulty as I see it is that guys are learning how to fuck by mimicking the sex portrayed on porno videos where speed and pounding and massive dicks seem to be the focus; this bears little relation to reality. With sufficient preparation and mutual respect and affection there is absolutely no reason why first time anal intercourse should hurt. It's not about power and control; it's about sharing pleasure. If he's hurting you he's doing something wrong and you are complicit in it.

My first time as a bottom did not really hurt, it was just very uncomfortable. I felt "full" down there, like I REALLY needed to go to the restroom. My partner just kept reminding me that it was ok, and that I really didn't need to "go". After the first few minutes the feeling subsided and the pleasure set in, and OH was it pleasure. This "full feeling" happened only the first two or three times. There are times when it is slightly painful if I am particularly tight or if he hits a different angle than normal.

Thanks guys. I too am a very curious guy, and can't wait for my first time with another guy as a 'bottom'. I know condoms and lubricant are important, but what else must I remember to make sure my first time isn't painful?

[spreadeagle]

Originally Posted by curiousguy

Thanks guys. I too am a very curious guy, and can't wait for my first time with another guy as a 'bottom'. I know condoms and lubricant are important, but what else must I remember to make sure my first time isn't painful?

G'day mate,
Different strokes for different folks of course, but I've always regarded notions of 'top' and 'bottom' as somewhat suspect because of the inherent suggestion of rigidly defined roles. This risks limiting the freedom that's needed if you're to be really responsive in your lovemaking.

Apart from the reciprocal trust and respect and the need to take your time there's something else you can do to help ensure that your first sessions of anal penetration are enjoyable: put your bottom on top.

Have your partner lie on his back while you kneel astride him face-to-face. By kneeling up you can reach round behind yourself, take his stiff dick (sheathed and lubed- right on bro!) in your hand and soothe that hard knob over and round your crack. When YOU feel ready to take the plunge, engage the head of his dick in position and hold it there with your hand while you lower yourself onto his dickhead till you feel it pressing against your well-lubed asshole. At this point you should clench your assring muscles tight. Hopefully you've been practicing your Kegel exercises (SEE: my response entitled 'slackness of anal sphincter muscles') so that you're familiar with the sensation of the muscle clenching and relaxing at will. Then relax your love-ring and simultaneously lower youself a little further. You should feel his knob start to slide in.

Don't rush it. Any sensation of pain or discomfort and you raise yourself up and away from his dick. Keep breathing deeply and easily. Don't be too ambitious; the goal of this first session should be to practice the technique of gripping his dick with your ass muscles, relaxing, and sliding a little further down: grip, relax and slide. Just to experience the sensation of your lover being deep inside you and sensing his desire held in check can be very horny.
When the head is fully engaged, take a rest. Lean forward so that you can kiss, locking his dick head with your ring gripping him tight just behind the flange. While you kiss, rock rhythmically and gently so that your ass tugs at his dick.
Be open to the possibility of new sensations and don't think you have to cum. This is your fuck, no-one elses, so let it unfold in a way that suits you. Pumping, bucking and thrusting can come later; there's plenty of time.

There are many advatanges to this postion. The novice has total control over the depth and angle of penetration. Both partners hands are free to explore, caress and excite the other. Lips are accesible for kissing, licking, nuzzling, whispering and you can see your lover's face and eyes. He can raise his knees so that you can lean back for support or have something to push against when you want to raise yourself.

The other thing to remember is basic common sense but sometimes guys forget. Eat regularly, plenty of fibre, plenty of water, get enough exercise. Have a crap before you make love; anal hygiene is important. An enema is probably excessive but you can get a little douche kit from an adult shop, or improvise with a squeezy bottle.
Enjoy yourself,
Spread

k so my first time was with my lover but like at first we started out by havin missionary sex but i was on my period and then he wanted to have anal sex so with the wetness of my vaginal he slipt in my anus and was in and out but then he pulled out cuz it hurt to much and turns out i crapped like it was diarrhea and now we are both scared... like is this normal for the first time or what.....

[spreadeagle]

Hey gurl

In order to feel confident about anal sex a bit more planning is required than for conventional heterosexual intercourse. I wouldn't worry unduly about the diarrhea, except that if you'd been planning anal, rather than it happening spontaneously, you could have taken a dump beforehand. Also, very important that he never enters your vagina after anal penetration because of the possibility of infection.
He needs to know that he can't just bang away at your ass as if it's a second vagina. The elasticity is different, and the sensations for each of you will be different too. Take it slowly to start with, you were right to pull out when it hurt. Your asshole needs time to get used to the penetration and if you go slow then you have control and you don't have to be scared.
He might like to think about you exploring his ass with your finger or thumb too (cut your nails first) so he has an idea of how it feels for you. You can do it while he's fucking you and really turn him on.
Take it easy gurl,
Spread.

From one aussie lad to another,
I am glad you explined it the way you did because it is the truth. Dalen Jacobs

I am a guy and i was wondering, what does anal feel like? I wanted to know how it feels before doing it. And is there any possible way to try it out first before the actual thing? Like using a finger or a dildo.

[spreadeagle]

Mate
It’s great that you are thinking ahead in practical terms about what you want to do – that’s the way to take control and avoid disasters. There’s a lot to say about this, but here are a few pointers to get you started:

For your first explorations your finger is ideal. Dick-sized vegetables are good too, being cheap and readily available. Try a zuchinni or a carrot, or something more flexible like a banana or a long, narrow eggplant. Dildos are cool but they can be expensive and a lot of guys have unrealistic expectations about the size they can handle so take the time to find out what your ass likes before wasting your money.

Don't ever stick anything sharp or pointed up your ass; the goal is to feel good, not to damage yourself. Use lube. If using a vegetable dildo make sure it's long enough so that you minimise the chance of losing it . But if that ever happens, don't panic. The natural movement of the bowel works to expel whatever’s up there.

Choose an appropriate time and place for your exploration, somewhere that you won't be hurried or interrupted. Maybe after a bath or shower when you are relaxed and warm. Be naked and use a hand mirror; squat over it or put your leg up and see what your asshole looks like. This can be a challenge for some guys. Get some lube and watch yourself in the mirror spreading it over your pucker and making slow slow circles round and across your asshole. Then do it with your eyes shut concentrating on the sensations. Remember to keep breathing.

Choose NOT to make penetration the goal of your first session. That way you take the pressure off yourself. Squat over the mirror, looking at your love-ring and see what happens when you squeeze it tight, and when you push out as if you were going to crap. Being naked and relaxed and watching yourself stroking your ass you'll probably get real horny. If you do then why not jack off and keep fondling your ass while you stroke.

The next step is to try inserting your finger and it's good to try this in the bath or shower or naked in your room. If you want to lie down then lie on a towel. Get everything ready beforehand: lube, a roll of paper towels (tissues are too flimsy and disintegrate on your dick), damp washcloth etc. Cut your fingernails very trim. Take a dump beforehand. If you're in the bath or shower use Vaseline as lube because it's not water soluble.

Take your time and have fun. Bathrooms are good because there are usually mirrors and you can see what you’re doing. Try lying with your knees up or standing with one foot on the side of the bath. Sexy music (and lights and scents) are good while you do this and it helps to drown your ecstatic moans and prevent your mother beating on the door. Get some lube on your forefinger and circle it slowly round your hole, spiraling in. But let your hands be all over yourself, stroking and teasing over your body, bringing your nips and nuts and dick into play, but always stroking and circling down towards your ass. What you are doing is connecting the sensation in your ass with all the other turn-on sensations in your body. Circle and thrust with your hips so you are rubbing your ass over that finger tip. Practice gripping and relaxing the little muscle, feeling it open and grasp at your finger like a sea-anemone. Keep breathing, keep stroking, and only go as far as you want to.

When you get a finger in there you know you’re doing great and you’ll probably be able to tell quite easily if you want to do this again. Let the pleasure be your tutor. One thing you need to do once you’re in there is to locate your prostate – you can do this by pointing towards the root of your cock from inside. And don’t forget to try your thumb, too. Reach round making a hitch-hiking gesture at your ass and sit down on your thumb. You’ll find it slides in real nice.

Hope this helps.
Cheers mate,
Spread.

OK! my technique for anal pleasure involves first cleansing the rectum and then adding a generous amout of lubrication. After the basic steps then a little stimulation and a lot of patience. You should never do anything that hurts, because sex is about pleasure.