[spreadeagle]

G’day mate,

It’s great that a year into the relationship you still have a very active sex-life. I’m guessing that you’re both in your twenties - wow!

Masturbation is normal; there is no need to differentiate between masturbation and the ‘real thing’: masturbation is the real thing, too. People have different sex drives and often habituate themselves to routine masturbation so that they’re jacking without giving it a second thought. But it’s understandable that you’re anxious when your boyfriend jacks-off an hour after making love; sex shouldn’t be like a Chinese take-out.

There’s a basic issue here, a principle that's fundamental to what we like to call ‘civilization’: the principle of delayed gratification. Your boyfriend isn’t very practiced at it when it comes to sexual appetites. He prefers instantaneous satisfaction; if it itches he scratches it. Is he like this in other areas of his life?

Let’s assume your boyfriend has a sex-drive that’s considerably stronger than yours. By restricting his erotic activity to masturbation and sexual intercourse with you he’s actually honouring your joint commitment to a monogamous relationship. Consider the alternative, would you feel happier if he was getting-off with other guys outside the relationship?

There’s something you can do about this making you feel worthless: learn to take responsibility for your own feelings. Your boyfriend’s actions in themselves can’t make you feel worthless, they are neutral, neither positive nor negative. It is YOUR reaction to his masturbation, YOUR interpretation of it, what YOU think it means, that give rise to your feelings of worthlessness. The solution to this is to change your thoughts. This is usually easier said than done, but the effort to do so is always rewarding. Focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship, especially your boy friends faithfulness, should help. It does appear that he deserves a bit more trust.

Cheers
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