spreadeagle
August 12th, 2004, 01:30 AM
Hey Honey,
I just wanted to offer my support and wish you courage and strength as you deal with both your health challenges and the stress of this transition in your life. As Max says, there's a lot of support out there.
Your situation is not unique. Often people unconsciously manage their lives in stages, and now that your family-centred functions as a wife and mother are largely fulfilled, you feel at a deep level, probably intensified by your health scare, that it's time to go back and attend to 'unfinished business'.
It's ironic, but often when we're coming out, the people that we're coming out to need more support than we do. This is because we've had a good deal of time (perhaps a lifetime) to think about it, while it comes as a shock to them. Naturally your husband will be feeling threatened and vulnerable and it's important that you don't jettison a relationship that's precious to you. His need to adjust his expectations will be painful. Often women in your situation are so accustomed to putting the needs of the family-unit ahead of their own individual needs that it's a challenge for them to determine what's for the best.
As well as seeking a support network outside your family, I strongly suggest that, if at all possible, you seek support from your gay son. Many of the issues that you're dealing with now he may already have experienced, or may need to face in the future. This is one way in which your solidarity as a family can be sustained. Straight family members can more easily resolve their homophobia when they realise that if the people they have known and loved their whole lives are gay then being gay cannot be such a scarey thing after all.
All my love, all the best, and welcome sister,
Spread
I just wanted to offer my support and wish you courage and strength as you deal with both your health challenges and the stress of this transition in your life. As Max says, there's a lot of support out there.
Your situation is not unique. Often people unconsciously manage their lives in stages, and now that your family-centred functions as a wife and mother are largely fulfilled, you feel at a deep level, probably intensified by your health scare, that it's time to go back and attend to 'unfinished business'.
It's ironic, but often when we're coming out, the people that we're coming out to need more support than we do. This is because we've had a good deal of time (perhaps a lifetime) to think about it, while it comes as a shock to them. Naturally your husband will be feeling threatened and vulnerable and it's important that you don't jettison a relationship that's precious to you. His need to adjust his expectations will be painful. Often women in your situation are so accustomed to putting the needs of the family-unit ahead of their own individual needs that it's a challenge for them to determine what's for the best.
As well as seeking a support network outside your family, I strongly suggest that, if at all possible, you seek support from your gay son. Many of the issues that you're dealing with now he may already have experienced, or may need to face in the future. This is one way in which your solidarity as a family can be sustained. Straight family members can more easily resolve their homophobia when they realise that if the people they have known and loved their whole lives are gay then being gay cannot be such a scarey thing after all.
All my love, all the best, and welcome sister,
Spread