spreadeagle
August 12th, 2004, 12:29 AM
G’day mate,
I’ve read your letter and Max’s response and my view is that the prospects of your relationship working out this time round are good.
Always be optimistic. If you expect the worst then you unconsciously sabotage the relationship and create the very situation that you fear. But by being optimistic you keep lifting your game and allowing the possibility of more than you ever thought possible to manifest in your life.
The major problem you faced earlier was the drink and drugs. These blur your perceptions, dull your interactions and prevent your true self from participating in the relationship. If you’ve both begun to address these issues and to make progress towards an understanding of why you needed to avoid being real before, then the prospects of true intimacy this time round have improved.
A year ago it was ‘love at first sight’ but it lasted only ‘a very short time’. Now you both feel ‘very much in love’ again. Falling in love feels fantastic: you’re dizzy, heady, high, you forget to eat, you can’t stop thinking about him and your guts feel like melting butter, but this heightened state can’t last for ever. It feels like a drug rush because that’s what it is: epinephrine is flooding your system, and like any drug, you can get hooked on it. That’s why a lot of guys prefer the intense ‘in love’ spikes that come with a series of short-term relationships. You need to be aware of this since you’ve both shown a tendency towards addiction.
There’s a transition period after falling in love when you start to get to know each other, when you start to compromise, when you start to create mutual history and to support each other through all the monotonous everyday stuff. This is when, with courage and determination, you can start to rise in love. It happens when you take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings and communicate honestly with your partner.
Lastly, remember that love is a process. Expect your relationships to evolve and change their form over time. These transitions can be difficult, but the way you co-operate to resolve them determines the extent to which you are able to access even greater degrees of lovingness in your lives.
Go for it, buddy,
Spread
I’ve read your letter and Max’s response and my view is that the prospects of your relationship working out this time round are good.
Always be optimistic. If you expect the worst then you unconsciously sabotage the relationship and create the very situation that you fear. But by being optimistic you keep lifting your game and allowing the possibility of more than you ever thought possible to manifest in your life.
The major problem you faced earlier was the drink and drugs. These blur your perceptions, dull your interactions and prevent your true self from participating in the relationship. If you’ve both begun to address these issues and to make progress towards an understanding of why you needed to avoid being real before, then the prospects of true intimacy this time round have improved.
A year ago it was ‘love at first sight’ but it lasted only ‘a very short time’. Now you both feel ‘very much in love’ again. Falling in love feels fantastic: you’re dizzy, heady, high, you forget to eat, you can’t stop thinking about him and your guts feel like melting butter, but this heightened state can’t last for ever. It feels like a drug rush because that’s what it is: epinephrine is flooding your system, and like any drug, you can get hooked on it. That’s why a lot of guys prefer the intense ‘in love’ spikes that come with a series of short-term relationships. You need to be aware of this since you’ve both shown a tendency towards addiction.
There’s a transition period after falling in love when you start to get to know each other, when you start to compromise, when you start to create mutual history and to support each other through all the monotonous everyday stuff. This is when, with courage and determination, you can start to rise in love. It happens when you take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings and communicate honestly with your partner.
Lastly, remember that love is a process. Expect your relationships to evolve and change their form over time. These transitions can be difficult, but the way you co-operate to resolve them determines the extent to which you are able to access even greater degrees of lovingness in your lives.
Go for it, buddy,
Spread