Nonsexual Relationships

[Unregistered]

I was in a committed relationship for over two years without having any sexual intercourse with my boyfriend. From the beginning, he understood that I had made a concience decision to stay celibate until I was ready to become active again. Although my circumstances for becoming celibate was due to having been sexually assulted. My boyfriend was very patient, and allowed me time to come to grips with the situation. Even after we became sexual after so long of him waiting, he still did not pressure me. We took things slowly and have been together now, for nine years. I agree honsety with your partner is the key. And if you become involved with someone who is not willing to put the sexual aspect of your relationship on the back burner until you are ready to move forward with it, then he may not be the one who is for you.

[Tony New York City]

That may have worked out for you...I am assuming that you hadn't sought professional help at the time...
And you cannot assume that if a person finds it hard to sacrifice sex that they may not be the partner for you...Sex is part of human nature and to have to turn it off in the name of love is no easy task...After all, you were the one who suffered trauma...As far as he is concerned, with him it's all systems go...I am sure although he may not have told you, that the two years that you couldn't have sex with him, were quite traumatic for him also.
Sex may not be the most important thing in a relationship but it is an integral part of it...If a partner finds himself in a relationship like yours and is unable to stay in that relationship, it certainly does.t mean that they don't love you...Feeling that your partner should have to live without sex is selfish and self-serving.
He deserves a great deal of credit...

[spreadeagle]

I wonder if the guy asking the question is being entirely honest with himself. After all, in some of the most homophobic societies it is common for men to have deeply committed friendships, and quite usual for men to hold hands in public, even kiss on the cheek. If all that's required is a male-male friendship with a certain level of physical intimacy then that can be found on any rugby field.

What does he actually envisage? Kissing, cuddling, hugging and caressing with ne'er an erection in sight? If this guy IS gay as he claims then that possibility sounds extremely unlikely. Perhaps he needs to acknowledge that his real desire IS to have sex with a man, not to avoid it.

So many gaymen, and women, fall into this trap. Attraction to that Obscure Object of Desire, the unobtainable straight man. It's only because society esteems the spunky, handsome, muscly athlete that we put such a premium on him in our fantasy lives. After some experience you discover that good things do not necessarily cum in macho wrapping.

Better to go after the other gay guys who are undoubtedly lurking like sheep in wolves clothing within that oppressive society. At least they'll be available and agreeable and in all likelihood cleaner and spunkier too.

Cheers
(Long time no see, Tony)
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