Is my husband gay?

[PAWowGrl]

I have been married for over 6 years with a 2 year old son, and been with this same man for about 7 years. There have been signs to tell me for some time now that...he may possibly be gay or bi? And then again, I might be stereotyping? Can somebody give me some insight?

My husband is very complimenting to good looking guys on TV, he also will tell me that certain male friends we have is good looking, or compliment about a guy's fit body. At first, this didn't bother me, and I valued his honesty in every level. But when I would catch him checking out other guys...this started to become a concern. Still, part of me thinks this is his vanity comparing himself to other men. I would confront him about this before in a joking way...and he would make up an excuse like, "oh, he looked like one of my friends". Then it was a number of other signs...he gravitates towards gay people everywhere. Previously we lived in Florida, and his best friend was gay from work...then we moved to California and yet again, his closest friend is gay. My husband is also super neat, and not like most guys who don't care to get a little rough looking. He is very neat with his clothes, his hair, and probably my pet peave, I catch him staring at himself in the mirror. He is so neat, he's obsessive neat.

He's also very emotional. Like quick to be hissy, or blow a fit. It's totally like one of my girlfriends with PMS. Totally emotional.

Then most importantly there's the significant change in our intimacy in the past 5 years. Both my husband and I have very demanding work schedules and career responsibilities, so I have blamed this reason for the changes, along with having a baby. The only times I realize we're intimate is when I pursue to be intimate...outside of that...we could end up weeks and months with no intimacy otherwise. I have not physically changed. At 26 years old...I am in the best shape that I've ever been in my life, and I am not tooting my own horn, but I am routinely asked to go on a date by clients @ work (and these are good looking bachelors), so I know that I am an attractive person.

My husband doesn't look gay, but what does that really mean? Cause I have gay friends that look totally like straight guys? Anyways, he also walks and talks like a straight man. He still likes women too as he makes comments about women on TV. He's not perverted at all, but he'll comment on something, like, "Tyra is actually cute with bangs, and I didn't know she's got a nice A$$? Check her out?" Again, we're that open to each other to where we say things like that.

I have had serious inquiries and conversations with him about my feelings, and he gets sooo upset when we discuss this topic. He tells me to stop talking nonsense. The times I bring up the fact I don't feel like I attract him anymore...he's sure to be intimate that night. Geeez, it's like a push button lover. But seriously it bothers me inside everything I piece together, and I just have this weird feeling that he is gay. My husband however is so afraid to loose me. He's completely co dependent on me with life, and we may not be as intimate anymore, but we love each other dearly.

I have so many important people in my life who is gay. My best friends-girlfriend is gay, along with a couple guy friends that are gay, and my married god mothers are gay. So how do you communicate effectively to somebody something like this...in a way to let them know you sincerely will be okay with it? How do you tell your husband this? If I did find out he's gay, I would be open to part ways to find the right partner for myself, and likewise, I would support him to find his partner in life.

My husband's family is also super old fashioned and traditional...so his mom would have a fit if she ever found out, and I don't know how he could confront my one brothers who is homophobic but ironically also very close like a brother to my husband.

I love my husband to death, to the point, all I would want is the truth, and be it he's gay...I want him to be happy whatever that may mean to him.

I don't question him being faithful because he works 24/7, and he works in all male office -2 older women there. Comes right home after work, and stays home. Our weekends are always together, or out traveling.

Am I over reacting and finding this as an excuse for intimacy going sour? Or is what I'm observing possibilities that he is gay or bi? Can somebody give me an insight on some of his behaviour and my gut feelings? Thank you all in advance.

[Unregistered]

Do you like copping it up the bum?

[iphelia]

if you are a natural anal receiver. if you are wired that way you get lots of orgasms. so powerful that doing anything elses is a waste of time

[Unregistered]

Do you fancy a shag?

[spreadeagle]

Hi,

It certainly sounds to me as if your husband is either gay, bisexual or unsure of his orientation.

Some of the evidence you cite - his excessive neatness; his vanity; his volatile emotional response - is indeed stereotypical and is not evidence of homosexuality. But I think you're aware of that because you know that men can be gay without walking, talking or looking Gay. But your gut-instinct is probably correct.

If he is gay, then the conservative and homophobic environment were justification for his attempt to live a heterosexual life. If he was plaqued by uncertainty about his sexuality he probably married, genuinely loving you, but in the hope that by passing as straight he would eventually learn to BE straight - that an attitude change would follow a behavioural change.

The real problem you face- the diminishing intimacy within the marriage - is a problem you would need to address whether he were gay or straight. If he is gay it's not a problem that can be easily resolved. His homosexuality would not mean that all the positive aspects of your relationship had to be jettisoned. He could still have a relationship with you; he could still have a relationship with his son. What is important is that you work together to find a way that the whole family is able to achieve its full potential without any of its members needing to be repressively self-sacrificing. Your son is entitled to have two loving parents present in his life. You and your husband are both entitled to feel sexually fulfilled.

You sound strong, positive and on-to-it. I suggest that you print off a copy of your letter, make some quiet uninterrupted time with him and ask him to read it.

Good luck
Spread

[mavila]

ive been with my husband for 5 years and he has used cocain and drinks but he has stopped for three months this has happened about 6 or7 times that he dissapears and then comes back home the last time he was gone three days he isists hes hanging out with men and no women he lies alot so who knows anyway the last time he gace me a disease called tric he is always bleeding in the anus all the time every now and then he soakes in the tub he only goes to work and back i have had this suspition since he once told me hed like me to do him in the back i thought he just wanted to be freaky but now i just dont know i really think hes gay when i bring it up he gets mad and denies it could it be someone at his job like his boss that they seem to get into little tiffs like two women and then there happy again one day hell complain about him and the next day hes ever so cool please help me find out i dont want to catch something worse also he still hasnt gone to the doctor about the disease he gave me its been three months i think he may have cured it and is saying he hasnt gone because that way he doesnt have to have sex with me or whst its been almost four months am i going crazy ive never seen a man bleed so much from his behind he sometimes cant even walk he says its stress but come on somebody tell me something is tric a common disease a cheating husband gives a woman after being with a man well thats all please help

[mavila]

if u can please email me mavila on the is my husband gay topic my email is mavila62563@aol.com

[spreadeagle]

Hi Mavila,
I'm sorry to read of your predicament.The correct name for the sexually transmitted infection is trichomoniasis. It is the most common curable STI among sexually active young women. Men can usually only contract it from sexual contact with an infected woman. In men the symptoms can disappear without treatment but he'll still be infected and can retransmit the parasite. Therefore if one sexual partner becomes infected it is very important that both of them undergo treatment at the same time. The treatment is simple - a single dose of the prescribed drug. For more information Google - trichomoniasis - or go to www.cdc.gov/std.

The bleeding from the anus is a more serious cause for concern - there could be many different causes, and it's worrying that your husband is resistant to seeking proper treatment. It is common macho behaviour to try and shrug off or ignore physical complaints - especially when it's an asshole complaint - and he may need a lot of encouragement and support before he seeks proper advice. Passing blood from the anus, especially if the bleeding is frequent and copious, is no indication that your husband is indulging in anal intercourse but IS an indication that something is very wrong.

The issue here is not really whether or not your husband is gay. The fact is that he's indulging in behaviours that are threatening both his own and his wife's health. The on again-off again addictions; the disappearances from home; the lying and the transmission of sexual infection suggest a marriage in which the basis of mutual trust is missing.

In order to protect your own safety, you have to make him wear a condom if you have sex. If you haven't been cheating on him then he can only have contracted the trichomoniasis from a third party and he's probably not been having safe-sex. Untreated trichomoniasis can make a woman more susceptible to HIV infection.

Don't let your suspicions about your husband's sexuality blind you to the fact that his behaviour is threating your health and your marriage regardless of his orientation.

All the Best
Spreadeagle

[Unregistered]

you have to remember that Spreadeagle is the expert in all these matters...been there, done that!

[Unregistered]

My Husband And I Have Been Married For 11 Years And Been Together For 14 Years And Have A 4yr Old And A 9 Yr Old. Just Recently I Reviewed The History On-line And Found Gay Porn Along With Female Porn. I Questioned Him About This And He Said That (after Alot Of Screaming) That He Had An Experience When He Was 13 W/ Someone The Same Age He Said That It Happend 3 Times And That It Was Just Oral Sex. We Have Always Had A Healthy Sex Life And Has Always Seemed To Find Me Attractive By Groping Etc. But Is It Possible That He Could Be Fantasizing Of A Male While Having Sex With Me . I Havent Been Able To Shake These Feelings That He Might Be Gay. This The First Time That I Have Ever Really Questioned This About Him. Im Scarred???? Could He Just Be Curious. Please Please Someone Help Before I Ruin My Marriage Over Suspisions And Not The Facts

[spreadeagle]

G'day,
Looks like it's time for some calm, honest discussion with your husband rather than posting your question here for comments from guys who don't know either of you.

Did you stumble upon the porn history accidentally, or were you snooping? You don't express any concern that your husband was viewing heterosexual porn too - do you consider str8 porn ok? If there had only been str8 porn in the computer history would you still consider your marriage to be in jeopardy? If your husband fantasises about other women while making love with you is that ok, but not ok if he's fantasising about men?

Men and women have different levels of sexual interest. Men are much more aroused by visual stimuli than women are and porn can be addictive. If you don't like him viewing porn then you need to say so. But be aware that his need to view porn may arise from a need for sexual expression that is not being fulfilled within the marriage. If he stops the porn he could start to look elsewhere.

Ultimately you have to decide whether you trust him or not. Trust is something you should offer, not something he has to earn. You should judge a man by his behaviour. On the face of it there is little evidence that he is gay and plenty of evidence that he is committed to you, enjoys being married with you and finds you sexually arousing. Yes, your suspicions can ruin your marriage.

Cheers
Spread

[Unregistered]

Spread: You don't always have the right answers but it's pretty damn close...

[Unregistered]

Spread is just full of himself, the frustrated windbag

[Unregistered]

Been married 20 years (is that sticking my head in the sand or what?) w/ 3 kids.

Is there any reason a straight guy would look at homosexual porn? Cause I've caught my guy on gay websites on the web at least 3 times. He even ordered a paid site once.

Like the original poster, we only have sex when I initiate it. When we have sex, it's pretty good, but he prefers oral sex to regular sex. We could go months without sex (and have) if I don't initiate it. In years past, I thought it was due to our busy jobs. But we both quit our jobs and moved to a tropical island 6 years ago, where we work only 2 to 3 hours a day. And we're still not having much sex. Altho I'm middle-aged, I'm a good-looking, passionate woman that other, much younger men find attractive. But I don't seem to turn my husband on.

He never had a girlfriend until we met. But at the time I thought it was because he was so shy.

In the 20 years we've been married, he's never had a close male friend, and never does the usual male stuff with other guys, like go to ball games, or shoot baskets, or watch sports on TV, or go hunting, or fishing, etc. On the other hand, he does enjoy more "feminine" pasttimes such as shopping, gardening, decorating, etc.

We're surrounded by beautiful, young Asian girls where we live, but he barely glances at them either. He does spend time noticing the boys however; how they walk, their butts, etc.

I actually don't think that if he's gay he's having affairs, because he's either with me, or one of our kids most of the time. So I guess he's abstaining from gay sex -- if he is gay. But he's also abstaining from ANY sex, which is leaving me high and dry.

[Unregistered]

I have been married four years and the start of things went really well. I know that my husband lived with 2 different gay men in the past but there was a small fling two different people and he had told me that there was nothing was to serious and that would never ever try that again. I know my husband has been with a handful of girls and loves to search for nothing but pictures on the net of women. Sometimes I feel he would love to be with the pictures then me ( if you know what I mean) I also know that he in the past had the women that he had dated and beed with they came to him he never tried to pick up on them. when it came to me he made the move. A friend that we both knew interduced us and a few months after that we were married. I had been married before and cheated on by him so my fear of the same thing repeating is always in the back of my head, however my current husband within the first year cheated on my with an old school friend ( girl stripper ) we have finally moved on from that.
The friend that we both knew we had lost contact with for a couple of years and well my husband really did not have a friend male or female to hang out with so in the mean time after the death of our daughter me getting ill and having to move in with my mother for the time, we run into our old friend. He always comes around and buys things for my husband not cheap things at that, he always gives him money and calling and comes around. My husband would brake plans with me to run off with him and when ever we fought he would dissapear for a day or so over to his house. Now there is no place that is private over there at his house there are to many people living there and he does not even have a room of his own he has a bed up in the loft area.
I told my husband that things don't seem right that I have never seen a male act this way with buying things all the time and calling 20 times a day and always being over, he said thats just how he is. well later to find out after bringing this up his friend admidt to my husband that he is gay well not all the way ( I dont buy it being everytime I am around he talks about other men ) so now that this is out from his friend the time that we spent together is getting less and less. but befor all this he was hanging out with one other person that was far from gay in fact he was a pig! durning that time my husband got back into drugs and for the first and only time decked me cracking my check bone, My sister-in-law said gay men would not hit a woman like that I don't know if thats true or not.
things that also have my mind going crazy is that there have been times that when my husband and I fought to the point that we thought for a day or so that this was it his friend would be out looking for apts for them knowing my husband could not pay anything for rent. when my husband decided that he wanted us to work his friend would call me asking over and over what my husband was going to do and I keep telling him that he has decided to stay here at home and work things out. he still would ask over and over till he got it through his head and then would be mad while asking and frusterated after getting the hint that he was staying.
Now there have been times that I would ask my husband why his friend would keep coming over and calling all the time and then next thing I know it would all stop for a while and then start back up. Sometimes I think I see my husband get jelous of some of his friends friends that would call him all the time and he would go over there and leave our house. Also the fact that his friend wont answer the phone when I call looking for my husband when they are out my husband tells me that he does not know that I call all the time and then claims that most times he tells his friend to not answer the phone because I always call when he is out. sometimes it seems my husband did not want to hug or kiss me infront of his friend but when out front of his house when he was not around it seemed to not be a problem.
My husband would like to spend all night at his friends work visiting him while he worked ( del Taco OHHH fun) I don't know if this is him waiting to get high from him or what. There was a time when I called looking for my husband and he had fallen asleep at his house ( now my husband is bad when falling asleep he is hard to get up as well) that I can hear his friend walk up the stairs while talking to me trying to hand the phone to my husband I can hear him through the phone and his friend told me to come over and help get him up that he went up stairs and was sleeping in his bed, Now his friend was at work all night and I know because I stoped by so I know nothing between them happened that night but I never heard him go back down stairs and when I got to the house my husband was sound alseep on the couch and his friend claimed he did not see him on the couch and that he lied that he was upstairs sleeping well my husband was hard to wake but not like normal and he was holding a gituar he had fallin asleep there then the darn thing would have been on the floor within the first hour or so. when trying to wake my husband up I asked him why he went upstairs and he said that he was not when I keep telling him over that is what his friend said then he said that he must have been that tired that he did not know it. With in minutes after pulling in the garage there rolls up his friend on his bike acting as if he was talking on the phone he was pretending to be yelling at someone saying that my husband was only a friend and that he was no B!@^$ so on so on... well my husband went in the house to get drinks and then his friend decided to tell me that he lied that my husband was never upstairs he thought that I was not supposed to know if he was there and he does not know why he lied. no that makes no scence to me if he was not sure if my husband and I were fighting and I was not supposed to know if he was there then why not say he was not there?
Long story short sex life became less and less he said it's because I am always wanting it when in fact I go for it the same as I did when we first meet. He is the one that starts things between us less and less. His friend is always having some kind of problem and he is always ruinning to him to talk or help him out. My husbands tone twards his friend is more nice then to me and he has been more rude and harsh to me. He did not tell me like he used to that he loved me in fact when I would tell him he would sound bothered saying that I say it to much. when he was always the one to say it first. we have a two year old together and a nine year old from my first husband and I know he loves dearly but never wants to help with them. When I asked him if there was anyting going on between them he answered half way clam the first time but as more thing went on like they way they joke in such a way that normal guy friends would not and other things with him always wanting to be around him I would ask here and there and he would get more and more mad each time I asked when I tried to explain how things looked he sometimes would listen and other times get mad. I know he flirted a few times with some of the girls at his work to the point it was hurtfull. I can see a girl that I think is cute and well he would agree with me and when I point out how I looked before I had kids he would get all excited. There are a lot of he said and he said and I said crap going on between us three and causing a lot of problems. They mostly the friend keep stating this is my best friend..
Now could this all be me paranoid that from my first husband and the fact that my husband lies to me about all sorts of dumb things small things at that and that we have had some issues that his friend happen to mention him being gay at the time that I told my husband things don't look right. The pressure of the hardship we are going through and the medical conditions I have that have changed the way I look and my insecurity of me. That both my husband and his friend lie like there is no tomorrow. On top of the fact this is the only person that my husband knows to hang with as well as the fact that my husband is a materialisict person and his friend always buying things be playing with my head thinking that my husband is gay? or could it be that his friend that is 16 years older be trying to brake us up and be the one that my husband runs to? being his father was never there as a father figure
have not been able to hang out due to the fact my husband has been locked up for probabtion violation over a month and his friend is always sending him letters and money. my husband tell me that when he gets out that he is done with his friend then tell me that if his friend is going to keep lies and drugs that he is going to tell him to not come around and if he changes that he will still hang out every now and my husband tell me that we are going to get better and tell me to not talk to his friend and that he is a liar. So if he is willing to rid of his friend could there have been something he no longer wants part of or could he have realized that his friend was trying to brake us up or the fact that there could have been something that he thinks that I am close to finding out the truth. Now I know that when I found out he cheated on me with a girl I found out because I was sick and I asked if there could have been anything that he had done that I could have gotten something that is when he told me and the last time I asked him the same thing because I am very ill with an unkown sickness that is eating me up in side, he said no. now knowing that the last thing in the world he would want is for me to be sick and possibly pass it to the kids I would have thought that he would tell me right?

Sorry this is long but if anyone out there can tell me I am crazy and that I am reading to much into things it would be a comfort.

[spreadeagle]

Hey lady,

Your post is complex and it paints a picture of an unhappy situation. It sounds as if you have a lot of difficulties to contend with: violence, death, illness, lack of trust and so on. But the issues are fairly clear-cut, I think.

Did you give a great deal of thought to this marriage, or did you just 'follow your heart'? It's time to review the situation: is this relationship giving you what you had anticipated? Is it meeting your current needs? Would you be better off if you weren't married? Would he be better off?

Your husband's sexuality (or the sexuality of his friend) is really not the issue here - the repercussions for you would be exactly the same if he was screwing some big-titted ho bitch behind your back. So focus on his behaviour without trying to justify or explain it and look at the effect it's having on you. You never know where he is; he spends more time with friends than he spends with you; he hit you in the face; he's unreliable; he's a drug addict; he's untrustworthy; he finds your sexual appetite distasteful, he finds you physically unattractive. Now, is that the sort of relationship you want to be in?

People don't change, at least, not without a great deal of effort, and the desire for change has to arise from the person himself. You married this man without having really got to know him, and you're a fool if you think he's suddenly, magically going to transform into the man you thought, or hoped you were marrying. Are there actually any postive aspects to the relationship or is it all bullshit?

If there are positives, then you should decide whether these outweigh all the negatives you have to endure. If you husband is playing around and has made you sick then you should be using a condom whenever you have sex. God knows you don't need to get pregnant again.

Best of Luck
Spread

[Marriedgay]

You can find a lot of information on this subject if you visit my site (Married Gay) at www.marriedgay.org . For the last 6 months or so, I have been running questionnaires which have been filled in by husbands and wives (approaching 1000 now). The questionnaires also allow responses from gay wives and their husbands.

The responses are all available on the site and present a lot of difference experiences.

I have created results pages which try, where appropriate to do so, to draw conclusions based on the responses so far.
For instance 80% of all husbands responding confess to some sort of extramarital experience during their life time.
About 80% of wives know or suspect that their husbands are being unfaithful.
Only about 50% of all men and women claim that they always practice safe sex, the remainder sometimes, or never.
Only about 15% of wives say they would have married their husbands, if they had known they were gay or bisexual.

As I said, there is a lot of information there, and hopefully it will help people on both sides to understand what is going on.

[Unregistered]

He may be over worked and tired. Don't jump to conclusions...and just love him!!!

[iron spartan33]

Hi,

It certainly sounds to me as if your husband is either gay, bisexual or unsure of his orientation.

Some of the evidence you cite - his excessive neatness; his vanity; his volatile emotional response - is indeed stereotypical and is not evidence of homosexuality. But I think you're aware of that because you know that men can be gay without walking, talking or looking Gay. But your gut-instinct is probably correct.

If he is gay, then the conservative and homophobic environment were justification for his attempt to live a heterosexual life. If he was plaqued by uncertainty about his sexuality he probably married, genuinely loving you, but in the hope that by passing as straight he would eventually learn to BE straight - that an attitude change would follow a behavioural change.

The real problem you face- the diminishing intimacy within the marriage - is a problem you would need to address whether he were gay or straight. If he is gay it's not a problem that can be easily resolved. His homosexuality would not mean that all the positive aspects of your relationship had to be jettisoned. He could still have a relationship with you; he could still have a relationship with his son. What is important is that you work together to find a way that the whole family is able to achieve its full potential without any of its members needing to be repressively self-sacrificing. Your son is entitled to have two loving parents present in his life. You and your husband are both entitled to feel sexually fulfilled.

You sound strong, positive and on-to-it. I suggest that you print off a copy of your letter, make some quiet uninterrupted time with him and ask him to read it.

Good luck
Spread
lol some of that stuff im not im very messy because of my hecktick life sweety lol

[Tony New York...]

Instead of running to gay forums, just go to your Husband and say " Hey ! Are you fucking gay " Save yourself a lot of grief...Knowing most closet gays today, he will probably break down and cry..Then ? You take him to the fucking cleaners and move on...Get the House the cars the money and go shopping...

[cowboy]

Instead of running to gay forums, just go to your Husband and say " Hey ! Are you fucking gay " Save yourself a lot of grief...Knowing most closet gays today, he will probably break down and cry..Then ? You take him to the fucking cleaners and move on...Get the House the cars the money and go shopping...

,,,WAY TO GO hahaha take the $$ and run!!! ,,,ahaha
(if that married man wants to get fuk'ed thats the best way to do it ! )
hugs cow

[Callmeconfused]

Begin the conversation by letting him know that you love him no matter what. That's what he needs to hear more than anything. Take it slow. Don't just ask him point blank. Talk for awhile about your relationship, your feelings for him and reassure him that he will be loved regardless. Get in close, look him dead in the eye and just ask him. If he breaths a sigh of relief and lets it out then great. You can take it from there. If gets really defensive, then it is inconclusive. You won't really know one way or the other. As long as you are sensitive and don't get into an accusative mode I don't think that you can go wrong. You need to know. He needs to know. Set the tone, set the mood and ask him.

[Unregistered]

your husband is a submissive anal slut bottom who loves aggressive tops based on the twink behaviour you describe.

[spanishluv247]

Not sure but if he always with you on weekends and nighttime when he will have time to do gay things. so i assume he is just gay acting but not into gay life. I am gay myself and i need the need to be with another man intimacy wise so if he don't do that i may be only your imagination.but keep an eye on him make sure he don't disappear for hours,because the majority of gay man doing gay things under the closet.
good luck
spanishluv247

[Unregistered]

i dont even know where to start.

Maybe the first incident. About 6 years ago, my husband got drunk and had taken a pain pill for a broken hand. he proceeded to tell me he might be bi and hes stuck things up his ass for pleasure. I was shocked but hid it well. The next day he acted as if he never told me and I made it all up. I put it in the back of my mind. Then i found a vibrator inside our bed sheets, a small thumb sized one. He swore he had no idea where it came from, and i stuck it a drawer and then it just dissapeared. next sign. I found gay porn on his computer. and web-sight addresses, he swears it was a joke for a co worker.

Cpl of other things, he always works Saturday yet his checks r the same. Wheres the OT? He makes horrible uncomfortably gay jokes to everyone.

Finally he has very close male friends, one in particular. and he visits all the time and works with my husband too. And last night when i left the room, i ran back in to grab something and they were talking in very low voices and had leaned in to each other, they were head to head and when i came in his friend bolted straight up and had a look of guilt on his face.

When I confronted him, he lost his damn mind

Threw his coffee mug across the room, trashed his computer then kicked over and busted up a dresser. Yelling at me that hes not some fag.

Is my husband of ten years gay? Yes we have kids, and a damn good sex life, except of late. Hes just not that interested in sex. And if he does show an interest its over in minutes, instead of a good 30 mins and then a second bout.

[Unregistered]

When people get older, their hormones change. Guys sexual peak is sooner than women, so they slow down sooner. You can be the hottest woman on the planet, but if you treat your husband like crap, he's going to avoid you (and all other women by association) like the plague. It doesn't make him gay. After your sexual prime, sex isn't really a need.

As for the gay porn... I have seen 2 girls 1 cup... it doesn't mean I wish to join the girls. Personally I think it's so disgusting that I have to watch it. To me, 2 girls 1 cup is the essence of everyone that disrespects themselves on the internet. Cashing in by showing their bodies or by doing something outrageous (and usually really stupid) just for attention.

If the above didn't solve your problem, the real problem is that all women are gay, some project their insecurities onto their mates. The more angry you get about your husband showing gay tendancies, the more gay you are. How many times have you gone into the bathroom with your girlfriend, or asked her to go with you?

If you still don't believe that the above solved your problem, then you are a troublemaker. Most women live to cause problems, and are always looking for things to use as weapons. You fit into this category, and you should remember, you reap what you sow. If you seek to cause good, generally things will be good for you (or at least people will be more apathetic toward you).

[Unregistered]

I've been with my husband for 13 years with 2 children. My suspicions grew very strong about 2 years after we were first married when I found out he had been wearing my underwear. He admits to having a fettish of wearing girls pants and stockings and often wanted to have sex with me (and him) wearing them whch, totally freaked me out!

After 4 difficult years (along with other maor problems in the relationship) I divorced him, but this wasn't easy as he refused to leave me alone and ruined a very good relationship I had started with someone else. During this time we spoke loads over the phone whilst he was working in Amsterdam. He admitted that he had tried it on more than once with other men. He tried to have anal sex with an old friend of his (he was in the Navy with, whom I recall was constanly around our house for years and very friendly with all of us) whilts staying at a hotel on some sort of business trip! During our split he actually properly had sex with another man and told me all the details (I just wanted to know he used a condom) he also said he like to go to these places in The Dam where you can pay to be made up like a woman with wigs etc....

He has always been a good earner and looked after us, treats us all the time, we never go without! But he always comments about men being gay and tries to get me to admit being a lesbion. He is also very emotional like a girl woth PMT all the time but does'ne particularly loook gay himself?

We got back together for the kids really and have had a shit relationship since - I hate going to bed with him as all I think is him being gay and he always comments on how I am like a fridge but I can't forget he's had sex with a man!

I want to leave but I know he'l make it difficult as he really care about his image and how people see him (Think he wants to apear normal but is REALLY gay)

Any advice welcome!

[SexualAdventurer]

To be a male is to need sexual conquests, starting with his chosen woman. Then he needs analyse life, to seek adventure and explore everything in life including sex in all its aspects and variations. To feel a complete man he needs to attract and seduce his chosen woman, his own socially acceptable wife, and gain his wife's admiration and love in order to 'Nest build' and have the security of his own family.
Men are gregarious friendly and comforting, and like to feel masterful of all things and especially feel they have the respect of their wives and be in some control of the health and happiness their family.
The trouble starts as demanding modern wives see in the mirror their loss of virginal freshness, the level of excitement in their love life wanes, the newness and novelty of being married diminishes, they feel their youthful enthusiasm and attractiveness slipping away, so they start to feel insecure and then start to masculinize themselves by questioning their husbands virility or masculinity, 'It must be the husbands fault - right! Notice it is NEVER EVER their fault for not being so femme or as virginal and young, or as interesting and seductive a temptress, or as adventurous as before. Why can modern woman not accept a diminishing sex life as the natural order of things. No because they do not mature as men do, as they remain child like belief in some mystic image of the perfect husband. By seeking reassurance of their husbands love. They feel the need for some control of their husbands which totally undermines the 'Male/Female' relationship especially in the more sensitive husbands. Why modern women now feel so insecure, why do they want their men to be so conforming to unreal stereotype of their 'Macho image male' who is totally a figment of women's imagination. The modern women's expectations are too high they need constant reassuring of their attractiveness and sexuality, and husbands fidelity to the extent they destroy the 'Male/female relationship', a total devotion which no man is capable of satisfying. We are still evolving from the animal instinct to have a harem to sow our seeds, to be prolific in love of all things. Tiger Woods at his peak had twelve or more females he kept happy as well as his wife. If his wife had been proud of his prowess they would still be married but being 'Modern woman', she feels betrayed and her great highly successful husband and their wonderful marriage is ruined by her totally wrong perception of how a man must behave.
Why have some women decided that to be a real man you must conform to some totally unrealistic 'Strait, Hairy, Macho, Trouser, Strutting, Image. Who wants to fuck ONLY her, because she is the most desirable young thing in the world, (Obviously TOTALLY unrealistic)', and it is cause for divorce if your man likes to hug or kiss or fuck an attractive willing treasured young female, or special needful male friend, or even just have porn or even just fantasize about other people than the new mother figure as she now is, who should be happy to have such a desirable man for her husband....... Personally I tried very hard to be my first wife's idea of a good husband and failed when the wife of a friend set out deliberately to seduce me. I told my wife that she was coming to our house and asking for a lift not just to talk to her but to have demonstrate how to have sex in every possible position in our new car, and add me to her long list of conquests. My wife's answer, "Any good husband would have no problem resisting other women, put your big girl panties on and deal with it."
I am supposed to find that a sweet loving, sexy or caring answer in my seven year old marriage, from my now over weight and no longer so fresh innocent or desirable wife. Not...I think I did good to say no thank you twice before my demanding male libido decided and action ruled...Next big mistake - I felt guilty and confessed all....
Yeah right, I'd like to meet the man who could reject such continuous seduction attempts from some determined sexual adventuress be they male or female or any other desirable variation on the theme... Believe me ladies he does not exist.