spreadeagle
July 11th, 2005, 01:02 AM
Hi,
The issue that sooner or later confronts all those who identify as bisexual is their position on commitment/monogamy. In a one-on-one relationship we agree to only have sex with our partner. This doesn’t mean we stop feeling sexually attracted to others we encounter, just that we make the choice not to act on those feelings should they arise.
I think you need to take more responsibility for the current situation. It was okay that you had a crush on the guy when you were with the girl; but how is it that they both knew about it? It was sexual bad manners to let the girl know that you were attracted to someone else apart from her – that could only make her feel bad. And it was bad manners to let the guy know, as it must have created the impression that you didn’t value the relationship with the girl and that you were available for an interaction with him. So in a way you opened up the door for what followed
Furthermore, when you say ‘the guy used to touch me and I would never do anything back’ you imply that he touched you in a meaningful way on more than one occasion. You should definitely have done something back; told him firmly but politely to stop touching you because you weren’t available. You weren’t proactive and you allowed the situation to become unclear.
It might sound like I’m being hard on you. But the fact that you were making an effort to apply some standards of behavior shows that you had greater integrity than the girl, who was ready to screw someone else behind your back, and the guy, who was poaching on his friend’s territory. You’re better than that.
Since you’ve broken up with the girl it’s really no concern of yours now who she sleeps with. Unless you’re harboring thoughts of having a sexual relationship with the guy. If you are then you’re in exactly the same scenario only the roles have switched. However, the fact that he was able to give you an undertaking to split with the girl and then break it within 24 hours, confirms what you already know: he’s not trustworthy.
Many bisexuals resolve the commitment/attraction dilemma by arranging threesomes. You might like to give that some thought as a future possibility though I wouldn’t recommend it with this couple at this time.
Cheers, Buddy
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The issue that sooner or later confronts all those who identify as bisexual is their position on commitment/monogamy. In a one-on-one relationship we agree to only have sex with our partner. This doesn’t mean we stop feeling sexually attracted to others we encounter, just that we make the choice not to act on those feelings should they arise.
I think you need to take more responsibility for the current situation. It was okay that you had a crush on the guy when you were with the girl; but how is it that they both knew about it? It was sexual bad manners to let the girl know that you were attracted to someone else apart from her – that could only make her feel bad. And it was bad manners to let the guy know, as it must have created the impression that you didn’t value the relationship with the girl and that you were available for an interaction with him. So in a way you opened up the door for what followed
Furthermore, when you say ‘the guy used to touch me and I would never do anything back’ you imply that he touched you in a meaningful way on more than one occasion. You should definitely have done something back; told him firmly but politely to stop touching you because you weren’t available. You weren’t proactive and you allowed the situation to become unclear.
It might sound like I’m being hard on you. But the fact that you were making an effort to apply some standards of behavior shows that you had greater integrity than the girl, who was ready to screw someone else behind your back, and the guy, who was poaching on his friend’s territory. You’re better than that.
Since you’ve broken up with the girl it’s really no concern of yours now who she sleeps with. Unless you’re harboring thoughts of having a sexual relationship with the guy. If you are then you’re in exactly the same scenario only the roles have switched. However, the fact that he was able to give you an undertaking to split with the girl and then break it within 24 hours, confirms what you already know: he’s not trustworthy.
Many bisexuals resolve the commitment/attraction dilemma by arranging threesomes. You might like to give that some thought as a future possibility though I wouldn’t recommend it with this couple at this time.
Cheers, Buddy
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