spreadeagle
July 11th, 2005, 12:06 AM
G'day mate,
This is an unfortunate situation. There's evidence of dishonesty but it’s important that you retain your own integrity in the way you handle things. Don’t rush in while you’re still in the grip of emotion but take some time to clarify your thoughts and to consider the various outcomes of any action you might take. It’s difficult to assess the situation accurately based on your brief precis so forgive me if I make any false assumptions.
Firstly, you should question the motivation of the telephone caller. It appears that his main intention is to cause a rift between you and your partner. You only have his word for it that he is ‘seeing’ your partner. If it’s true, then how is it that he wasn’t aware that your partner would be away for the weekend? And if he was aware of it then why should he phone your home EXCEPT to cause trouble?
And what does ‘seeing’ mean? It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re lovers. Similarly, the evidence that your sister has produced may also only mean that your partner is socializing with others, not necessarily fucking with them.
Next, you need to consider the terms of agreement between you and your partner. I assume you have a committed monogamous relationship, but in my view this should NOT mean that neither of you has the freedom to socialize independently with other friends.
Do NOT contact the caller again. Your health status is none of his business; you’re not in relationship with him. If his intention has been to upset you then you’ll be merely playing into his hands. If you tell him that you’re sick this can only look like the emotional blackmail of a jealous and insecure man. Your partner will be told and will be angered by it regardless of whether his liaison with the caller is innocent or not. If your partner HAS been sexually unfaithful then YOU are not responsible for any possible repercussions.
The mutual input and support of a relationship that has endured for four years is not to be thrown away lightly. How well do you trust your partner? Clearly the time has arrived to renegotiate terms. It’s important to hear his side of the story. After four years the decision to separate, or to reaffirm the trust and respect you have for each other, should be arrived at together. Try and discuss calmly and without recrimination what expectations you both have from the relationship and whether or not it is currently meeting all of your needs. If you reach the decision to separate then it’s a decision that you’ve shared responsibility for and arrived at rationally as opposed to an impassioned argumentative split over which you may both have later regrets.
I hope it works out well for you mate,
Cheers
Spread
This is an unfortunate situation. There's evidence of dishonesty but it’s important that you retain your own integrity in the way you handle things. Don’t rush in while you’re still in the grip of emotion but take some time to clarify your thoughts and to consider the various outcomes of any action you might take. It’s difficult to assess the situation accurately based on your brief precis so forgive me if I make any false assumptions.
Firstly, you should question the motivation of the telephone caller. It appears that his main intention is to cause a rift between you and your partner. You only have his word for it that he is ‘seeing’ your partner. If it’s true, then how is it that he wasn’t aware that your partner would be away for the weekend? And if he was aware of it then why should he phone your home EXCEPT to cause trouble?
And what does ‘seeing’ mean? It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re lovers. Similarly, the evidence that your sister has produced may also only mean that your partner is socializing with others, not necessarily fucking with them.
Next, you need to consider the terms of agreement between you and your partner. I assume you have a committed monogamous relationship, but in my view this should NOT mean that neither of you has the freedom to socialize independently with other friends.
Do NOT contact the caller again. Your health status is none of his business; you’re not in relationship with him. If his intention has been to upset you then you’ll be merely playing into his hands. If you tell him that you’re sick this can only look like the emotional blackmail of a jealous and insecure man. Your partner will be told and will be angered by it regardless of whether his liaison with the caller is innocent or not. If your partner HAS been sexually unfaithful then YOU are not responsible for any possible repercussions.
The mutual input and support of a relationship that has endured for four years is not to be thrown away lightly. How well do you trust your partner? Clearly the time has arrived to renegotiate terms. It’s important to hear his side of the story. After four years the decision to separate, or to reaffirm the trust and respect you have for each other, should be arrived at together. Try and discuss calmly and without recrimination what expectations you both have from the relationship and whether or not it is currently meeting all of your needs. If you reach the decision to separate then it’s a decision that you’ve shared responsibility for and arrived at rationally as opposed to an impassioned argumentative split over which you may both have later regrets.
I hope it works out well for you mate,
Cheers
Spread