spreadeagle
July 10th, 2005, 02:48 AM
Hey buddy,
‘I feel he ignores me’ - the fact is, he’s just not that into you; if he was into you he wouldn’t forget to call, simple as that.
Everything is not fine the way it is or you wouldn’t be agonizing about whether to come out or not. Your friend is not your best friend if he proves himself unable to accept a fundamental truth about you. Can you really count as friends those who are unable to love you and accept you for who you are?
The gist of your letter is that you don’t want to fuck things up. You seem to think it’s your responsibility to modify your behavior so as not to offend anyone else. This means that you are catering to other people’s homophobia and allowing their fear of your sexual preference to have priority over your own need to express yourself sexually. It also means that you can NEVER express yourself freely and openly so long as you are afraid of rocking the boat. “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.” You can choose to live by reacting to others’ perception of you, or you can be true to yourself.
It’s still early days. Use your time on-line to talk to other guys about their experiences, you’ll find that what you’re going through is a familiar story. Don’t be in too much of a hurry; as you move beyond high school you’ll experience greater independence and more freedom to experiment with other young guys who are discovering their sexuality. The more open you are, the more other men will be brave enough to be open with you.
Many men, when they come out to their mothers, find that she already knew or suspected. If you believe your sister will be ok with it then tell her first so that she can support you when the time comes to share it with your mother.
It can be wonderful, mate, or it can be shit, and so much depends on knowing who you are and sticking with the truth of that.
Love, man
Spread
‘I feel he ignores me’ - the fact is, he’s just not that into you; if he was into you he wouldn’t forget to call, simple as that.
Everything is not fine the way it is or you wouldn’t be agonizing about whether to come out or not. Your friend is not your best friend if he proves himself unable to accept a fundamental truth about you. Can you really count as friends those who are unable to love you and accept you for who you are?
The gist of your letter is that you don’t want to fuck things up. You seem to think it’s your responsibility to modify your behavior so as not to offend anyone else. This means that you are catering to other people’s homophobia and allowing their fear of your sexual preference to have priority over your own need to express yourself sexually. It also means that you can NEVER express yourself freely and openly so long as you are afraid of rocking the boat. “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.” You can choose to live by reacting to others’ perception of you, or you can be true to yourself.
It’s still early days. Use your time on-line to talk to other guys about their experiences, you’ll find that what you’re going through is a familiar story. Don’t be in too much of a hurry; as you move beyond high school you’ll experience greater independence and more freedom to experiment with other young guys who are discovering their sexuality. The more open you are, the more other men will be brave enough to be open with you.
Many men, when they come out to their mothers, find that she already knew or suspected. If you believe your sister will be ok with it then tell her first so that she can support you when the time comes to share it with your mother.
It can be wonderful, mate, or it can be shit, and so much depends on knowing who you are and sticking with the truth of that.
Love, man
Spread