spreadeagle
January 23rd, 2005, 01:27 AM
Hey buddy,
You’re on the right track – and I hate to nitpick – but the answer to your question lies in that word ‘confess’. This betrays your belief that there is something inherently wrong or sinful about homosexuality. If you want to be the best friend you can be, then you need to think through your own attitude towards different sexual orientations. A starting point might be imagining your friend saying: ‘Yes, I am gay, I’ve been in love with you for ages and I desperately want to fuck you.’ Your reaction to that statement will tell you whether you have any work to do in that area yourself. It may be that your friend hesitates revealing his innermost self to you because he’s picking up on that entrenched attitude.
If he IS struggling to come out he’ll benefit greatly from the support of anyone close to him who remains a constant in his life and whose love is unconditional; you could be the safety-valve he needs. Talking with him in a general but supportive way about gay sitcoms, gay celebrities, news stories or about political issues like civil union will signal your liberal attitude without putting him on the spot.
Perhaps you need to consider too that coming out is not necessarily appropriate for everyone. Though attitudes are much more accepting now it is the attitudes of his immediate family that will be paramount in the timing of his decision. Possibly his employment situation could be affected if his sexual orientation were common knowledge. So don’t push too hard. Those who have never had to question their own sexuality but have always been granted the full approval and acceptance of their communities have little idea of how painful and alienating it can feel to be different.
I don’t mean to sound too hard on you mate. I know I would have benefited from a best friend like you and I bet millions of other gay guys feel the same.
Good on you
Spread
You’re on the right track – and I hate to nitpick – but the answer to your question lies in that word ‘confess’. This betrays your belief that there is something inherently wrong or sinful about homosexuality. If you want to be the best friend you can be, then you need to think through your own attitude towards different sexual orientations. A starting point might be imagining your friend saying: ‘Yes, I am gay, I’ve been in love with you for ages and I desperately want to fuck you.’ Your reaction to that statement will tell you whether you have any work to do in that area yourself. It may be that your friend hesitates revealing his innermost self to you because he’s picking up on that entrenched attitude.
If he IS struggling to come out he’ll benefit greatly from the support of anyone close to him who remains a constant in his life and whose love is unconditional; you could be the safety-valve he needs. Talking with him in a general but supportive way about gay sitcoms, gay celebrities, news stories or about political issues like civil union will signal your liberal attitude without putting him on the spot.
Perhaps you need to consider too that coming out is not necessarily appropriate for everyone. Though attitudes are much more accepting now it is the attitudes of his immediate family that will be paramount in the timing of his decision. Possibly his employment situation could be affected if his sexual orientation were common knowledge. So don’t push too hard. Those who have never had to question their own sexuality but have always been granted the full approval and acceptance of their communities have little idea of how painful and alienating it can feel to be different.
I don’t mean to sound too hard on you mate. I know I would have benefited from a best friend like you and I bet millions of other gay guys feel the same.
Good on you
Spread