spreadeagle
December 7th, 2004, 04:02 AM
G’day mate,
I don’t understand the connection you make between ‘I’d like to start a relationship’ and ‘so I went to a gay bar’. ‘I wanted to get laid’ would have made more sense. But when you say ‘relationship’ I think you mean more than waking with a hangover beside someone who looks decidedly dubious in the harsh light of day. Certainly there are more available guys in a gay bar, but that doesn’t increase your chances of a relationship. Lasting relationships depend on shared interests, authenticity and compromise. Gay bars don’t cater to these requirements. High noise levels and low lighting make it difficult to initiate contact. No-one looks his best screaming ‘do you come here often’ at a total stranger.
The main priority of a gay bar, as with any business, is to make a profit. Though gay bars may appear to serve the community they are not run as charities. Profit is achieved by encouraging patrons to drink as much alcohol as possible in as short a time as possible. Think about the negative impact this must have on the individual customer and on the likelihood of relationships begun under these circumstances lasting the distance. Men who need alcohol in order to initiate social contact with others are lacking in self-confidence and unlikely to be comfortable with their own sexuality. Bars can be fun if you’re with a group of friends, and horrendous faced alone.
So where are you going to meet someone to love? The answer is, in any social group where people meet to pursue interests in which they are keenly interested. This might be kayaking, poodle breeding, macrame, yoga, gardening, jigsaws, Harleys – whatever turns you on. Don’t be deterred if there are no specifically gay groups catering to your interests. The point is that when you’re interested in something, you’re much more interesting to others. Because your attention is focused outwardly you appear informed and engaged. You’re not self-critical or anxious about the impression you’re making and you’re seen in your best light. You’re also networking and enhancing the quality of your life. By extending your social circle you greatly increase your chances of meeting a partner because a high proportion of LTRs begin through introduction by a mutual friend.
It’s ironic, but when you’re actively engaged in the non-sexual areas of your life you’re more likely to meet an appropriate long-term partner, than by frequenting venues like gay bars where lust and loneliness are commonplace.
Best of Luck
Spread
I don’t understand the connection you make between ‘I’d like to start a relationship’ and ‘so I went to a gay bar’. ‘I wanted to get laid’ would have made more sense. But when you say ‘relationship’ I think you mean more than waking with a hangover beside someone who looks decidedly dubious in the harsh light of day. Certainly there are more available guys in a gay bar, but that doesn’t increase your chances of a relationship. Lasting relationships depend on shared interests, authenticity and compromise. Gay bars don’t cater to these requirements. High noise levels and low lighting make it difficult to initiate contact. No-one looks his best screaming ‘do you come here often’ at a total stranger.
The main priority of a gay bar, as with any business, is to make a profit. Though gay bars may appear to serve the community they are not run as charities. Profit is achieved by encouraging patrons to drink as much alcohol as possible in as short a time as possible. Think about the negative impact this must have on the individual customer and on the likelihood of relationships begun under these circumstances lasting the distance. Men who need alcohol in order to initiate social contact with others are lacking in self-confidence and unlikely to be comfortable with their own sexuality. Bars can be fun if you’re with a group of friends, and horrendous faced alone.
So where are you going to meet someone to love? The answer is, in any social group where people meet to pursue interests in which they are keenly interested. This might be kayaking, poodle breeding, macrame, yoga, gardening, jigsaws, Harleys – whatever turns you on. Don’t be deterred if there are no specifically gay groups catering to your interests. The point is that when you’re interested in something, you’re much more interesting to others. Because your attention is focused outwardly you appear informed and engaged. You’re not self-critical or anxious about the impression you’re making and you’re seen in your best light. You’re also networking and enhancing the quality of your life. By extending your social circle you greatly increase your chances of meeting a partner because a high proportion of LTRs begin through introduction by a mutual friend.
It’s ironic, but when you’re actively engaged in the non-sexual areas of your life you’re more likely to meet an appropriate long-term partner, than by frequenting venues like gay bars where lust and loneliness are commonplace.
Best of Luck
Spread