spreadeagle
December 5th, 2004, 05:09 AM
G'day mate,
Coming Out for Asian men in conservative cultures is an even greater challenge than it is for Western men. Being loyal to the family and fulfilling family expectations impose a huge pressure and many Asian men find they can't come out unless they move away from home and make a new life for themselves, perhaps in another country.
Attending the Youth Group meeting was a very sensible first step, and the fact that you have been able to come out to your friends is encouraging. I suggest that you go to more of these meetings, not with the intention of meeting a lover, but in order to get to know other gay people in a supportive social environment and so that you can ask them how they handled coming out. In order to avoid more panic attacks, ask one of your friends to go with you to the meetings. It's always a challenge having to talk to strangers, and more so when the possibility of a scary and exciting sexual encounter is hanging over your head. Set yourself small achievable goals and your confidence will quickly increase - remember, it's not a crime to talk to another man.
My instinct is that you may have to raise the matter of homomsexuality in general, and your own sexuality in particular, with your family even BEFORE you have a boyfriend. There is an increasing worldwide demand for acceptance and tolerance of difference and you are likely to see big changes in these areas during your lifetime. Being gay doesn't necessarily mean you won't have children, and that's often a major concern for parents. Since there seems to be a genetic component to homosexuality there may well be other gay (though closeted) people within your family ( look on your Mother's side) who could support you.
All the best
Spread
Coming Out for Asian men in conservative cultures is an even greater challenge than it is for Western men. Being loyal to the family and fulfilling family expectations impose a huge pressure and many Asian men find they can't come out unless they move away from home and make a new life for themselves, perhaps in another country.
Attending the Youth Group meeting was a very sensible first step, and the fact that you have been able to come out to your friends is encouraging. I suggest that you go to more of these meetings, not with the intention of meeting a lover, but in order to get to know other gay people in a supportive social environment and so that you can ask them how they handled coming out. In order to avoid more panic attacks, ask one of your friends to go with you to the meetings. It's always a challenge having to talk to strangers, and more so when the possibility of a scary and exciting sexual encounter is hanging over your head. Set yourself small achievable goals and your confidence will quickly increase - remember, it's not a crime to talk to another man.
My instinct is that you may have to raise the matter of homomsexuality in general, and your own sexuality in particular, with your family even BEFORE you have a boyfriend. There is an increasing worldwide demand for acceptance and tolerance of difference and you are likely to see big changes in these areas during your lifetime. Being gay doesn't necessarily mean you won't have children, and that's often a major concern for parents. Since there seems to be a genetic component to homosexuality there may well be other gay (though closeted) people within your family ( look on your Mother's side) who could support you.
All the best
Spread