spreadeagle
October 22nd, 2004, 12:44 AM
Mate,
You’re not a bad person. What you are is seventeen. It’s totally right that you're feeling a little confused and uncertain no matter how mature you are. When you’re a teenager the most important thing in the world is the approval of your mates, the peer pressure. That’s why it feels almost physically impossible to tell her. By putting it into words you're acknowledging it out there in the real world and maybe you're not quite ready to make that commitment yet. That's ok. It’s wise to remain discreet when you live in a society where being openly gay can place you in danger.
I guess that your work manager is older and more experienced and, along with the support of a network of gay friends, that gives him the confidence to be ‘out’. You need to follow your own timing and do what feels right for you, but just be aware that 'coming out' is something that we need to do, over and over, in different situations throughout our lives, sometimes it’s appropriate and sometimes it's not - it's your judgement call.
However, I think it’s important that you say something to your girlfriend. You love each other, but I’m assuming that you’re not lovers in a physical, sexual sense. I think it’s possible that because she feels so close to you she’s thinking that she’d like the relationship to move onto a more intimate level. The fact that you haven’t jumped on her may have put a dent in her self-esteem with regard to her own sexual attractiveness. If she knew you were gay it would almost be a relief. There’s a faint possibility too, that she might be feeling her way to revealing her own sexual secret to you.
So how do you tell her? Max’s suggestions are good – don’t worry about being embarrassed in front of her, clarity and honesty will deepen the friendship. If you find it hard to bring the subject up, then print off the letter you've written to Max and ask her to read it when you're alone together. Another way into it would be by talking about the manager at work and saying how much you admire him for being ‘out’. It's important that you tell her, but ask her to keep it confidential for a while until you get used to the idea of being ‘out’.
You’re gonna be fine (welcome)
XXX
Spread
You’re not a bad person. What you are is seventeen. It’s totally right that you're feeling a little confused and uncertain no matter how mature you are. When you’re a teenager the most important thing in the world is the approval of your mates, the peer pressure. That’s why it feels almost physically impossible to tell her. By putting it into words you're acknowledging it out there in the real world and maybe you're not quite ready to make that commitment yet. That's ok. It’s wise to remain discreet when you live in a society where being openly gay can place you in danger.
I guess that your work manager is older and more experienced and, along with the support of a network of gay friends, that gives him the confidence to be ‘out’. You need to follow your own timing and do what feels right for you, but just be aware that 'coming out' is something that we need to do, over and over, in different situations throughout our lives, sometimes it’s appropriate and sometimes it's not - it's your judgement call.
However, I think it’s important that you say something to your girlfriend. You love each other, but I’m assuming that you’re not lovers in a physical, sexual sense. I think it’s possible that because she feels so close to you she’s thinking that she’d like the relationship to move onto a more intimate level. The fact that you haven’t jumped on her may have put a dent in her self-esteem with regard to her own sexual attractiveness. If she knew you were gay it would almost be a relief. There’s a faint possibility too, that she might be feeling her way to revealing her own sexual secret to you.
So how do you tell her? Max’s suggestions are good – don’t worry about being embarrassed in front of her, clarity and honesty will deepen the friendship. If you find it hard to bring the subject up, then print off the letter you've written to Max and ask her to read it when you're alone together. Another way into it would be by talking about the manager at work and saying how much you admire him for being ‘out’. It's important that you tell her, but ask her to keep it confidential for a while until you get used to the idea of being ‘out’.
You’re gonna be fine (welcome)
XXX
Spread