spreadeagle
October 8th, 2004, 06:04 AM
Hey buddy,
It sounds to me like there’s not enough plain-speaking here. I take it he hasn’t come right out and said he wants to make love with you – it’s all been hints and glances. Bisexual men can be a pain in the ass, stuck in their bisexual closets and unable to come to terms with priorities and commitments. This forces those who want to be in relationship with them to deal with the emotional fall-out. Someone else has to make the hard choices – usually you! He probably won’t see his behaviour as a betrayal of her though, and will wonder what your problem is.
I think you do know what to do. This guy is cheating on his current relationship by flirting with you. This gives a clear indication of what his future behaviour towards you would be if you were in a sexual relationship with him. So be warned.
If you sleep with him secretly, even if she never finds out, the fact that you know about it will alter the dynamic of your relationship with her. Think about how you rate casual sex in your priorities - above or below enduring friendship? Put yourself in her shoes – how would it feel if your best friend poached your lover? Use the six-month rule: If you don’t sleep with him will it really matter in six-months? If she hates your guts will it really matter in six-months?
If you want to retain your integrity then here are some possibilities:
- Tell him you will sleep with him only after he has told his girlfriend what he intends to do.
- Deepen your relationship with her to include sexual intimacy and then form a menage a trois.
- Tell him you’re really flattered by his attention and you find him ultra-hot but that you value your friendship with his girlfriend too highly to want to betray it. This leaves you with all the good-conduct points while nudging him in the direction of appropriate behaviour without appearing to judge him. But don’t be smug about it.
Sometimes the knowledge that you both resisted a temptation in the past can add a juicy tension to an ongoing friendship that can be kinda fun.
Hope it all works out for you mate,
Spread
It sounds to me like there’s not enough plain-speaking here. I take it he hasn’t come right out and said he wants to make love with you – it’s all been hints and glances. Bisexual men can be a pain in the ass, stuck in their bisexual closets and unable to come to terms with priorities and commitments. This forces those who want to be in relationship with them to deal with the emotional fall-out. Someone else has to make the hard choices – usually you! He probably won’t see his behaviour as a betrayal of her though, and will wonder what your problem is.
I think you do know what to do. This guy is cheating on his current relationship by flirting with you. This gives a clear indication of what his future behaviour towards you would be if you were in a sexual relationship with him. So be warned.
If you sleep with him secretly, even if she never finds out, the fact that you know about it will alter the dynamic of your relationship with her. Think about how you rate casual sex in your priorities - above or below enduring friendship? Put yourself in her shoes – how would it feel if your best friend poached your lover? Use the six-month rule: If you don’t sleep with him will it really matter in six-months? If she hates your guts will it really matter in six-months?
If you want to retain your integrity then here are some possibilities:
- Tell him you will sleep with him only after he has told his girlfriend what he intends to do.
- Deepen your relationship with her to include sexual intimacy and then form a menage a trois.
- Tell him you’re really flattered by his attention and you find him ultra-hot but that you value your friendship with his girlfriend too highly to want to betray it. This leaves you with all the good-conduct points while nudging him in the direction of appropriate behaviour without appearing to judge him. But don’t be smug about it.
Sometimes the knowledge that you both resisted a temptation in the past can add a juicy tension to an ongoing friendship that can be kinda fun.
Hope it all works out for you mate,
Spread