Totally embarrased by anal sex mishap...help!

[Unregistered]

Ok, there's more issues here than can possibly be dealt with in one post, so I'll just give the highlights and hope someone out there can give me some advise that will help me stop hiding under my desk today...

The facts: I am a woman, I've had anal sex before with my husband (not for a long time however), and I'm currently having an affair with a man who is more well-endowed than my hubby (like I said, more issues than one post to deal with!). My lover and I tried anal last night for the first time and there was shit everywhere when we were done. This has NEVER happened to me before. I had even cleaned out a bit before hand (ok, 6 hrs before hand, but with an affair, we don't always have lots of clear notice of when we are going to be together! nor did I know for sure he was going to ask for anal that night!). I couldn't feel it happening when he was in there, because all I could feel was him (which was quite good, I might add). Though he was a total sweetie about it and pretty much blew it off, I'm mortified. More than mortified. I've been literally sitting under my desk in my home office crying all day. Would love advice on how to be a grown-up about this (I'm 36 with 3 kids for Pete's sake!...and he has a bunch of kids of his own...so it's not like neither of us has seen shit before), but I just need to get a grip on my own humanity here and need help. Anybody out there with thoughts on this one? Any good one liners I can use next time I see him? HELLLPPP!

[spreadeagle]

Hey Honey,

'Shit happens' or 'When the shit hits the fanny'

Ok - I don't think you need to take all the responsibility on yourself. As you say, you didn't know he was going to ask for anal. Now that you know he's into it you can be better prepared next time. There's a type of anal douche that consists of a rubber bulb about the size of a tennis ball with a nozzle about four inches long. It's compact enough to carry with you. You can probably find it in a sex shop or order it from a catalogue. You simply suck up some warm water from the hand-basin and squeeze it into your asshole, expel it into the toilet, and repeat. It usually sluices out anything thats waiting there. Then dry your ass, insert a generous amount of lube, and you're ready.
Was he wearing a condom? Another sensible precaution, especially given your marital status and the incredible mobility of sperm.
Sex can be messy, so tucking a big towel across the bed beforehand can be a wise move.
Babe, you want to be grown up about it. Then remember that it's okay to negotiate what happens between you and your lover. You don't have to surrender to his every desire every time. Be direct and nonchalant about what happened. Tell him you were embarressed, that you want his co-operation in ensuring it doesnt happen again and then leave it at that.
Cheers
Spread

[Unregistered]

Thanks for your response and your words of wisdom (I'll look for that bulb...and that's also a good tip about doing the lube myself before hand as he seemed a little uncomfortable putting it in for me - but on that one I didn't budge...we needed more and I told him so!). I feel a bunch better today, standing a little taller and not feeling like as complete an idiot as I did yesterday. Who knows though how it will be when I see him on Monday (I'll add a post to let you know). He may be an ass and call the whole thing off, which in a way might be for the best. Or, we could both end up laughing about it and move into a new realm here. Who knows. I think the thing I would hate most though is one last "charity" screw before he dumps me. Ick. Can you tell I have "issues"?

You're right too on the condom thing, and that is one that I should bring up (should HAVE brought up). He's "fixed" so pregnancy isn't an issue, but I'm going on his word about what his health status is otherwise, and that probably is pretty dumb. Definitely is pretty dumb, huh? He didn't come when he was in there (at all actually, and this isn't the first time...but I'll hit you with that issue in another post), so I think this time I'm safe (vaginally is another story though). So...if the relationship continues past Monday, I'll bring up the condom/health thing. At what point do I take his word for it though, as I'm sure since he's had a vasectomy the last thing he wants is to start wearing condoms again?

I feel like such a neophyte...it's been 16 years since I was "out there" doing anything at all random like this!

[spreadeagle]

Hey,

You're doing great! A few thoughts:
Some men argue that condoms cut down sensation. He can presumably have unprotected sex with his wife whenever he chooses. You can sidestep the issue of his venereal health status by explaining that condom use is vital since an unwanted pregnancy would be disastrous for both of you. Remind him that sperm are present in pre-cum and that they can swim into the vagina even if deposited outside. You have been perhaps a bit hasty by diving straight into penetrative sex. Though I wonder whether his interest in anal sex is specifically because this is something he CANNOT do with his wife.
If you focus on the foreplay and draw it out by giving head, sucking on his nuts and nips, rimming him and drawing your breasts and hair across his body you can really turn him on. Then take the initiative and put the condom on him yourself. With practice you can hold the condom in your mouth and roll it down over his dick without him even noticing.

If he lets the condom issue get in the way of the love-making it's an indication that his own sexual satisfaction is more important than your mutual relationship, and that your availability may be more attractive to him than your individuality. Use your intuition, if you sense a 'charity screw' coming on then get in early and terminate it beforehand. That way you can exit with your pride intact.

All the best for Monday
Spread

[Paras Bhargava]

Shit happens!