Acting Straight
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After we broke up, I remember him telling me about a time when he was out with a group of his straight friends, none of whom knew he was gay, and they started assaulting a couple of obviously gay guys. He couldn't understand why I found the situation so disturbing. Eventually, I came to realize that he was extremely self-hating. Going into the military and having to crawl even deeper into the closet certainly didn't help. Today, he's dating a woman even though he's told me he still considers himself gay. He's taking acting straight to a whole new level.

I think a big part of his issue is that he'll never fit society's idea of what it means to be gay. He could never be somebody's girlfriend. Of course, you and I know that not every gay man has to fit the stereotype, but his fear was that if people knew he was gay, they would assume he did. He was always afraid people would judge him as something he wasn't.

Obviously, we can't blame all his issues on society. He's responsible for his own actions, and the general public is changing as quickly as it can. These things take time. However, the gay community has to share in the blame. We've accepted the idea that there's a specific code of conduct that makes one gay or straight.

So many gay people are caught up in negative image ideas. Some feel they have to act a certain way in order to be gay -- you have to worship Madonna, call all your guy friends "girlfriend," and sleep around as much as possible. Hey, if that's who you really are then great! You be you. The problem is, I've seen so many young gay guys just coming out embrace these traits simply because they've been led to believe that's what being gay means.

On the flip side, I've also seen many gay guys who are so busy trying to emulate heterosexuals that they start to resent their more flamboyant brothers. I hate to hear a gay man say something like, "I can't stand flamey guys." That's just as homophobic as Fred Phelps picketing a gay funeral with a "God Hates Fags" sign.
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