My domestic partner had a serious falling out with his younger brother about six years ago, due to his younger brother's drug abuse. His family did the whole
intervention thing and his brother was sent off to a treatment facility. Even though he went voluntary, he signed himself out after a week. He tried contacting all family members, but they basically turned their backs on him. About a year ago, I was home alone and out of the blue my partner's brother showed up. He had made a complete 360 degree turn around. He had hit his rock bottom three years ago and has been clean and sober ever since. He had come to make amends with his family. Of course, me being from a close-knit family wanted to do all I could to help the situation. So I tried, unsuccessfully, might I add, to bring the two of them together. There was just too much hurt and pain there. So I suggested to my partner's brother to give him some time and I decided to help him out financially while he continued getting back on his feet. I contacted my partner's parents to let them know of the situation. And the relief his parents had to know their youngest child was getting himself together was overwhelming to me. So after a almost a year, my partner found out that I was helping his brother out, and became totally irate with me. I know felt the cold harsh treatment his younger brother had been getting all these years. But unlike his brother, I had no drug problem, just a big heart that wanted to help someone who was in genuine need of human compassion. So we have been in co-existence ever since. Roommates if you will. My partner moved out of our bedroom and into the guestroom. And yes, the last thing on my mind is to have sex with him. I will not be treated so cold by someone who is suppose to love me, and allow him into my bed with open arms because of sexual need. When we try to talk about why I was helping his brother out, he tells me I betrayed him, and by helping his own flesh blood out was just as bad as if I had an affair with him. I am just at the end of my rope with this situation altogether. I am so tired of trying to make my partner understand that I couldn't just sit back and watch another human being go hungry, and homeless after all the things his brother has been through. The rest of his family has re-opened their hearts to him, all except him. Now that his brother has in fact become a drug and alcohol counselor and now a productive member of society, has made not one bit of difference. I did ask my partner if he ever believed that the two of us could ever get back what we used to, before this entire problem of me helping his brother came to light. He flat out told me that, I was of no use to him other than someone helping to pay the mortgage. So I have come to difficult decision to end our relationship. It's not what I want to do, but it's what I need to do. I've given up more of myself to others all of my life, and it's now time to live for me. Do you think I overstepped the boundaries by helping out someone in need? Or should I just left this matter up to my partner and stayed out of it. And am I doing the right thing by breaking up with my partner? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

 

It is really hard to know the truth. There are always two sides to every  story. So you make it sound like you are a victim, which you may be, but I just think there is another side to this story. Sounds really weird that someone would be so mad at you just because you helped his brother.  Unless, you helped his brother and one day you had sex with his brother. But according to you, that's not the case. So if everything is like you are telling me, then he is the one who has big issues. You were just helping someone in need and he does not need to give you all this attitude and negativity.     You mentioned you have ended the relationship, but if you still feel you love him, you may want to seek the advise of a counselor as it may be deeper than we think.  Even for his own sake, you should go to a counselor to talk about this unresolved issue so both of you can move on and enjoy each other's company again. Good luck!