Dear Max, my lover and I have been together for 6 years. We have been unable to have sex, anal, for over a year and a half due to the fact that I was torn from our ruff sex. I have finally healed, I think, but when we try now as soon as he gets a few inches in I feel as if there is something deep inside me that is tearing again. Hurts like he**. What do I need to do? I love anal and am very frustrated and feel we have lost that connection of being one when we have sex. I live in a small town in Arkansas, originally from Dallas, Texas, and the people here are very homophobic, including the doctors, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it to them.  Thanks Anal frustration in Arkansas.

 

Any muscle that is torn, takes a few months even years to heal.  Sometimes it does not heal all the way.  If it hurts a lot, it means you are not healed or there's something wrong. So my advice would be to go to a doctor. Since you say you live in a homophobic town, try to go out of town to a doctor where you are going to feel comfortable. That way you make sure everything is okay. Meanwhile, if it hurts don't do it.  If you are worried about your connection with your partner,  you may want to try a few tricks to simulate anal penetration. The most popular one is having your partner's penis inside your legs (or between your buttocks) when you are laying facing down.  Your partner will love it and you will enjoy feeling him inside your legs or buttocks.  There are a lot of toys and all you need is creativity.  I know you want it, but the reality is that you are not well yet.  So you have to be realistic and take care of yourself first.  Good luck!