Hi, I have some complex problems with my sexuality. I'm looking for a bisexual counselor that I can talk to online. I have searched the internet and most counselors want big money. Money that I don't have. I'm 30 yrs old and I don't know where my sexuality lies. I have a deep need and desire for women and as I get older I feel these expectations building up for me to find a female partner. It is making me uncomfortable to say the least. My friends make jokes about my lack of girlfriend and I know my mom wants me to have a partner. I increasingly find I get jealous of other guys relationships. I find almost every woman I see attractive from older ladies to young women, larger ladies to skinny women my desire seems to know no bounds. But all this desire will never be fulfilled due to my sexuality. I'm bisexual and I'm also sexually submissive. It gets more complex. As much as I find women sexually attractive, when it comes to sex I find most women a turn off. I feel they have high expectations (which creates pressure) about a man performing, being dominant or somehow 'normal' sexually. Plus most women I have been with will only be sexually adventurous as long as the roles stay like that "man in charge woman surrendering herself". The expectations that women have and my need to be adventurous and submissive have made sexual relations with women a scary prospect where the pressure is on to perform and live up to her ideal of me as a sexually normal well adjusted guy, who above all is a MAN not a wimp. Now I find sex with a woman almost impossible, but I'm still left with a need for female company and a desire to be intimate sexually with a woman. I feel as if even if I could find a woman that is happy with my submissive nature, she would be one in a million, a needle in a haystack, but she probably couldn't handle my bisexuality as well a my submissiveness. I'm bisexual but I don't find men sexually attractive at all, I have never looked at a man and felt a sexual desire. Although I do find the male sexual organ a fantastic turn on, the masculine form that surrounds it is not attractive to me. Confusing huh???? I do have a deep sexual attraction to transgender guys, convincing transgender men seem to be the only people that I'm sexually comfortable with, but even then only if they are not passive. Transgender men don't have high expectations about some kind of performance or role I should play, they take me as I am. If they find me attractive and my submissive nature is ok for them then they are happy to see me. They never judge me like women seem to do. So as I get older my desire for a relationship with a woman gets stronger but my guilt over my true sexuality and the fact that most women are not sexually dominant stops me from finding a woman. My sex life now consists of clandestine meetings with transvestites that while satisfying me sexually leave me emotionally cold. And my relationships with women go from the occasional date where we both get on very well, we chat make each other laugh, I tend to find that they like me a lot and I like them too. When it comes to sex foreplay is fantastic until I have to assume the male role and penetrate and I lose it. I feel bored, unexcited, guilty and embarrassed. I feel as If I don't belong there in bed with a woman. I have had relationships with women that have gone on for months we find we are falling in love but sexually I'm not doing the business, so it all breaks down. The more times I try to have a relationship with a woman the more depressed I get. and the more clandestine meetings with TV's I have the more isolated from society I feel. Can you help me?? I hope so. Luke

 

What you need to do is to accept yourself the way you are. Forget about what is normal or what society wants.  It is your world and your life so you are the boss.  The way I see it,  you want someone who looks like a woman, but has a male organ.  When you find one, you feel guilty.  So you try to go back to what society thinks is normal and you find yourself unhappy.   Why? because you don't really like having sex with women. You like TV's like you call them. So now what?  Like I said before, learn to accept yourself the way you are and don't worry about what people may think.  If  you feel your town is to conservative for you, then move to a bigger more accepting city.  Do what you have to do to be happy. That means learn to know what you like and who you like and accepting it no matter what. You only live once and everyday is valuable as it may be your last.  Good luck!