$250K Robotic Toilet to Stop Gay Sex

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL -- Fort Lauderdale's Republican Mayor Jim Naugle wants to spend a quarter million dollar on a robotic toilet that is supposed to make it more difficult for horny gays to have public sex on the beach.

"We're trying to provide a family environment where people can take their children who need to use the bathroom," he said, "without having to worry about a couple of men in there engaged in a sex act."

The proposed location for the toilet is the world-famous gay beach Sebastian Beach, where the high-tech toilet will allow occupants to stay inside for only a short period of time before the door opens. Naugle thinks this will prevent the "homosexual activity" that he said plagues other public restrooms.

Naugle also said, "I don't use the word 'gay.' I use the word 'homosexual.' Most of them aren't gay. They're unhappy."

Fort Lauderdale police say sex in restrooms is not a problem in the city. "There's no evidence, no reports or arrests made for any men having sex in any restrooms," said Sgt. Frank Sousa.

But still the mayor thinks it is. "Public restrooms are pickup places for "homosexuals. ... They're engaging in sex, anonymous sex, illegal sex," he said.

Openly gay lawyer Dean Trantalis, who sat on the Commission with Naugle for three years, laughed when told of the comments. Trantalis said he's proud the beach welcomes gay families and continues to attract gay visitors.

The beach needs more toilets regardless of whether people will use them for sex, he said. And they still might, he said, even if the time is limited.

"I'm not an expert on public toilet sex," said Trantalis, "but there are those who would say one minute would be enough. Or 30 seconds."

Mayor Naugle, who's a social and political conservative Christian, is no stranger to public controversy. Last year he said housing prices would be affordable if people worked more hours instead of sitting on the couch drinking beer. Earlier this year, he refused to sign a mayor's pact to reduce greenhouse gases. Naugle said global warming is not caused by humans and that the pact contained "hate-America stuff that the environmental wackos want in."