There are
some fortunate souls whom, upon coming out, find their families to be
completely accepting and understanding. And then there are the rest of us.
Our families panic, weep, wail, pull away, and in some cases, outright
reject us. A few years ago, if someone had told me that my partner and I
would one day be preparing a meal in our home for our parents, I would
have laughed. Yet, I recently found myself in that very situation. The
journey to that point was not an easy one for any of us.
Almost everyone in my family is a conservative evangelical Christian.
Needless to say, when I came out, it caused quite a stir. I vividly
remember the family gathering together to pray over me in an attempt to
drive out these evil influences. Yes, my family had an exorcism to rid me
of the gay demons. Obviously, it didn't work. Next, they decided I should
try one of the ex-gay "ministries." They helpfully provided me with all
kinds of information about Exodus. I flat-out refused. Then they suggested
counseling. I agreed to that, but only on my terms. I would not go to a
biased anti-gay Christian counselor. That turned out to be a very good
decision since it helped me fully realize there was nothing wrong with me,
and in the long run, helped my family as well. For a while after that,
they backed off.
My
family tends to suffer from SOS, or Severe Ostrich Syndrome. That's the
tendency to ignore something you don't like by sticking your head in the
sand and hoping it will just go away on its own. I've noticed many
Southern families suffer from this disorder. For a while, I wasn't dating
anyone and wasn't really that involved with my family, so it became easy
for them to ignore the fact that I was gay. That changed when I started
dating Jon. When we decided to move in together, it became impossible to
ignore. I got a call from my mother soon after I broke the news to them.
My mother asked point-blank if Jon and I were "lovers." I told her yes, to
which she responded that the family didn't approve and could not condone
that "lifestyle." As calmly as I could, I told her that I wasn't looking
for their approval and I didn't need them to condone my choices. I went on
to say that Jon was an important part of my life and if they wanted to
continue being a part of it as well, they would have to deal with that. I
didn't speak to them for about a month, and then one afternoon, I got
another call from my mother inviting Jon and I over for dinner. Continue to page
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CHANNELS:
My
family tends to suffer from SOS, or Severe Ostrich Syndrome. That's the
tendency to ignore something you don't like by sticking your head in the
sand and hoping it will just go away on its own. I've noticed many
Southern families suffer from this disorder. For a while, I wasn't dating
anyone and wasn't really that involved with my family, so it became easy
for them to ignore the fact that I was gay. That changed when I started
dating Jon. When we decided to move in together, it became impossible to
ignore. I got a call from my mother soon after I broke the news to them.
My mother asked point-blank if Jon and I were "lovers." I told her yes, to
which she responded that the family didn't approve and could not condone
that "lifestyle." As calmly as I could, I told her that I wasn't looking
for their approval and I didn't need them to condone my choices. I went on
to say that Jon was an important part of my life and if they wanted to
continue being a part of it as well, they would have to deal with that. I
didn't speak to them for about a month, and then one afternoon, I got
another call from my mother inviting Jon and I over for dinner.
The Hunk
